Archive for July, 2012

Triumphant Return

Well, a lot has changed since my last post! I started and quit a new job and have really begun the path to a healthier lifestyle. There have already been several up’s and down’s in a very short period of time, but it’s just the beginning and hopefully things will get easier. Just tell me it will, okay?

My shortlived new job was at an eating disorder center and, wow, was it eye opening. The first day I started was cupcake night. Like me and the other residential counselors, you might be saying “WAHOO!” but for the patients, it was like we were asking them to walk into the pits of Hell. And, really, we were. Everyday was such a struggle for them. Each and every moment was a conscious effort to not think something awful about themselves, to not look in a mirror, to not look at other patients and compare, to put an entire plate of food into their mouth and to keep it there until nature took it’s course.  By the end of my shift, I had realized that while I may not have a perfect relationship with food, I don’t ever want it to be that torturous. And just like the patients made the decision to get help, I made the decision to go to the gym.

I work Tuesday-Friday, so with Monday’s off, I decided to take a private class at the gym in the morning. This was done for 2 reasons. 1. I don’t want to pretend like I’m in high school on summer vacation and sleep until noon. I mean, I do, but I don’t…because I’m 26 and that’s just (sadly) not okay anymore. 2. It’s really awesome to start the day off with a workout because you feel motivated all day. Not to mention it’s great to have accomplished something productive before 10am on a day off. I also make sure to go to the gym Tuesday-Thursday and Saturday. Lately, I’ve been missing Wednesdays. Wednesday is the day that I take two classes from 6-8. The problem is that I get out of work at 4:30. This means I have an hour to kill at home. In that hour, I quickly decide that King of Queens reruns on TBS beats working out. So, my next step is just go straight to the gym after work and either hang out or maybe even run (gasp!) on the treadmill.

Another step I’ve taken is to start writing down everything that I eat. I think it’s great to do this because it’s good to have a track record of what you’re eating. When something is off in my body, I’m learning to look to food as the reason. With the log, I can look back and say “Oh, it was probably those pieces of pizza I had for lunch today.” Which I did have for lunch today, by the way. Oops. Another reason it’s great is because it gives you accountability. Do I want to eat that brownie? Hell yes. Do I want to write it down? No, I don’t. Honestly, today I thought “I’m just going to write down 1 piece of pizza.” Um, hello? What is the point? The book is for me and I know that I ate 2! Who am I lying to? And there it was. The fact that I (probably we) lie to myself about food all the time in so many different ways. Another great reason for writing it down is it gave me an excuse to buy a new notebook. I went to Barnes and Noble and bought a small red notebook (so it could fit in my purse) that had that ever-so-popular British phrase “Keep Calm and Carry On.” Obviously it’s awesome because it’s British, but I thought the phrase really applied to the situation. Don’t panic over every mistake. Take a breath and move on!

This past weekend I watched Food, Inc. and Forks Over Knives. I’m currently reading Eating Animals. Twas a very food centered weekend. And I’ve decided (AGAIN) to step back forward into veg land. I could tell you that I’m going about it differently and that it’s hopefully going to work this time, but I’m not going to say that. Because who the hell really knows what is going to happen? I’m just going to try my best and to make a conscious effort about every bite that goes into my mouth. We’ll see where it gets me.

July 18, 2012 at 7:57 pm 4 comments


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